Book notes: The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene

The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene book summary review.

The Art of Seduction: An Indispensable Primer on the Ultimate Form of Power by Robert Greene

Synopsis:

When raised to the level of art, seduction, an indirect and subtle form of power, has toppled empires, won elections, and enslaved great minds. The Art of Seduction synthesizes the legacies of civilization’s greatest seducers – from Cleopatra to JFK – with the philosophies of important intellectuals on the subject, including everyone from Freud to Kierkegaard and Ovid to Casanova, and the classic literature of seduction. Robert Greene identifies the rules of a timeless, amoral game and explores how to cast a spell, break down resistance, and, ultimately, compel a target to surrender. The Art of Seduction is an indispensable primer on the essence of one of history’s greatest weapons and the ultimate form of power.

Opening thoughts:

This book was referenced in the other book The Game by Neil Strauss as what other Pickup Artists considered the “pickup bible”. Intrigued, I put this on my list a long time ago, and now that I am in the dating scene again, this might be useful in understanding attraction. I expect the author to have some questionable ideas (as sometimes dating and attraction books have questionable morals), but I’ll just take it as a reference.

Key notes:

  • In the power struggle between men and women, men always have the upper hand
    • The only advantage for women was the ability to withhold sex
    • However, he could always look elsewhere if this happened or exert force
  • Seduction was considered the feminine version of warfare
  • Never be forceful or direct
    • Instead, use pleasure as bait, playing on people’s emotions, stirring desire and confusion, inducing psychological surrender
  • Seducers master the art of making people fall in love
    • It is much more effective to create love than lust
    • A person in love is emotional, pliable, and easily misled
    • A person in love will surrender
  • Seduction is a game of psychology, not beauty
    • It is within the grasp of any person to become a master at the game
    • All that is required is that you look at the world differently
  • The seducer does not turn the power off and on
    • Every social and personal interaction is seen as a potential seduction
    • Erotic desire and love lurk beneath the surface of almost every human endeavor
      • Better to give free reign to your skills than to try to use them only in the bedroom
      • In fact, the seducer sees the world as his or her bedroom
  • Seducers don’t improvise. They don’t leave this process to chance
    • Like any good general, they plan and strategize, aiming at the targets particular weaknesses
    • Falling in love is not a matter of magic, but of psychology
  • Seducers see themselves as providers of pleasure
    • A person who enters their lives offering pleasure and romance cannot be resisted
    • Pleasure is a feeling of being taken past our limits, of being overwhelmed by another person, and experience
    • People are dying to be overwhelmed, to let go of their usual stubbornness
    • Sometimes their resistance is a way of saying “please seduce me
  • Zeus was the archetypal seducer because he could turn into the form of whatever appealed most to his target
    • Seducers take pleasure in performing and are not weighed down by their identity or by some need to be themselves or to be natural
    • This freedom or fluidity of theirs in body and spirit is what makes them attractive
    • Adopt the seducers playful philosophy and you will find the rest of the process easy

Part one: The Seductive Character

  • All we need to do to realize our potential is understand it is in a person’s character that naturally excites people and to develop these latent qualities
  • Successful seductions begin with your character, your ability to radiate some quality that attracts people and stirs their emotions in a way that is beyond their control
  • There are 9 Seducer Types in the world:
    • Sirens have an abundance of sexual energy and know how to use it
    • Rakes insatiably adore the opposite sex and their desire is infectious
    • Ideal lovers have an aesthetic sensibility that they apply to romance
    • Dandies like to play with their image, creating a striking androgynous allure
    • Naturals are spontaneous and open
    • Coquettes are sufficient with a fascinating cool at their core
    • Charmers want and know how to please, they are social creatures
    • Charismatics have an unusual confidence in themselves
    • Stars are ethereal and envelop themselves in mystery
  • The Siren is the most ancient seductress of them all
    • If it is seductive power you are after, the siren is the most potent of all
    • The intellectual is often the one most susceptible to the siren call of pure physical pleasure because his life so lacks it
    • Danger is surprisingly seductive
    • Sirens are often fantastically irrational which is immensely attractive to men who are oppressed by their own reasonableness
    • An element of fear is also critical
    • Keeping a man at the proper distance creates respect so that he doesn’t get close enough to see through you or notice your weaker qualities
    • Create such fear by suddenly changing your moods, keeping the man off-balance, occasionally intimidating him with capricious behavior
    • The most important elements for an aspiring siren is always the physical, the sirens main instrument power
    • Siren never speaks quickly, aggressively, or at a high pitch
      • Her voice is calm and unhurried as if she had never quite woken up or left her bed
  • The Rake: Intense desire has a distracting power on a woman, just as the siren’s physical presence has on a man
    • What the Rake offers is what society normally does not allow women: an affair of pleasure, an exciting brush with danger
      • A woman is often deeply oppressed by the roles she is expected to play
    • Better to be abandoned than to be undesired by such a man like Don Jon
    • If you are to play the rake, you must convey a sense of risk and darkness, suggesting to your victim she is participating in something rare and thrilling. A chance to play out her own rake-ish desires
    • To play the rake the most obvious requirement is the ability to let yourself go
    • It is often the most virtuous woman who falls deepest in love with the rake
      • Among his most seductive qualities is his ability to make women want to reform him
    • A rake greatest asset is his reputation
      • Never downplay your bad name or seem to apologize for it
      • Instead, embrace it. Enhance it. It is what draws women to you
  • The Ideal Lover
    • This type is rare in the modern world for the role takes effort
    • You will have to focus intensely on the other person
    • If the other person has the ideal quality or the ability to bring it out in us, we fall in love
    • Hint at something for them to aspire to
      • Reveal your faith in some untapped potential you see in them, and you will soon have them eating out of your hand.
  • The Dandy
    • Seduction was and will always remain a female form of power and warfare
    • The feminine dandy lures the woman in with exactly what she wants: a familiar, pleasing, graceful presence
    • Women are narcissists, in love with the charms of their own sex
      • By showing them feminine charm, a man can mesmerize and disarm them, leaving them vulnerable to a bold, masculine move
    • While you are passionate and sexual, always retain an air of independence and self-possession
    • Be different in ways that are both striking and aesthetic, never vulgar
    • Poke fun at current terms and styles. Go in a novel direction and be supremely uninterested in what anyone else is doing
    • Most people are insecure. They will wonder what you are up to
      • Slowly they will come to admire and imitate you because you express yourself with total confidence
    • Create your own fashion sense by adapting and altering prevailing styles to make yourself an object of fascination
    • Dandies are supremely impudent. They don’t give a damn about other people and never try to please
    • By adopting the psychological traits of the opposite sex, dandies appeal to our inherent narcissism
      • This kind of mental transvestism, the ability to enter the spirit of the opposite sex can be a key element in seduction
    • What is most seductive is often what is most repressed
      • Learn a playful dandyism and you’ll become a magnet for people’s dark, unrealized yearnings
      • The key to such power is ambiguity
        • In a society where the roles everyone plays are obvious, the refusal to conform to any standard will excite interest
        • Be both masculine and feminine
        • Impudent and charming
        • Subtle and outrageous
        • Let other people worry about being socially acceptable.
  • Naturals
    • Children are pleasing/charming because they are natural, and humans have a fascination with the natural
      • A child also represents a world from which we have been forever exiled
    • It is the spirit of a child that a person has retained that is charming
    • To assume the role of the natural, mentally position yourself in any relationship as the child, the younger one.
    • Types of natural seducers: The Innocent
      • Nothing is more seductive than a mixture of laughter and sympathy
      • Adult naturals exaggerate their weakness to elicit the proper sympathy
        • They act like they still see the world through innocent eyes
        • Much of this is conscious, but to be effective, adult naturals must make it seem subtle and effortless
        • It is better to communicate weakness indirectly through looks and glances or through situations they get themselves into rather than anything obvious
    • Natural type: The Imp
      • They have a fearlessness that we adults have lost
      • Imps are brazen, blissfully uncaring
      • They infect you with their lighthearted spirit
        • Secretly, we envy them. We want to be naughty too.
    • Natural type: The Wonder
      • They have a special, inexplicable talent
      • While at work in the field in which that have such prodigal skill, they seem possessed and their actions effortless
      • To play the wonder, you need some skill that seems easy and natural along with the ability to improvise
      • If in fact your skill takes practice, you must hide this and learn to make your work appear effortless
        • This will make you appear more natural and seductive
    • Naturals type: Undefensive Lover
      • In the presence of children, we become less rigid, infected with their openness. That is why we want to be around them
      • The undefensive lover lowers the inhibitions of his or her target, a critical part of seduction
  • The Coquette
    • Coquettes are consummate teases, experts at arousing desire through a provocative appearance or alluring attitude
    • But the real essence of coquettes is their ability to attract people emotionally and to keep their victims in their clutches long after that first titillation of desire
    • The more obviously you pursue a person, the more obvious you are to chase them away
      • Too much attention can be interesting for a while, but it soon grows clawing and finally claustrophobic and frightening
        • It signals weakness and neediness, an unseductive combination
    • As masters of selective withdrawal, they hint at coldness absenting themselves at times to keep their victim off balance, surprised, intrigued
    • Their withdrawals make them mysterious, and we build them up in our imaginations
    • The essence of the Coquette lies not in the tease and temptation, but in the subsequent step back, the emotional withdrawal
    • Confidence and self-sufficiency attracts
      • The less you seem to need other people, the more likely others will be drawn to you
    • Coquettry depends on developing a pattern to keep the other person off balance
      • Experiencing a pleasure once, we yearn to repeat it.
    • Sadness of any sort is also seductive, particularly if it seems deep-rooted, even spiritual rather than needy or pathetic. It makes people come to you
    • Coquettes are never jealous, that would undermine their image of fundamental self-sufficiency
      • But they are masters at inciting jealousy
        • By paying attention to a third party, creating a triangle of desire, they signal to their victims that they may not be that interested
    • Coquettry is extremely effective on a group, stimulating jealousy, love, and intense devotion
      • If you play such a role in a group, remember to keep an emotional and physical distance
  • The Charmer
    • The charmer’s solution is to fulfill the aspects of sexuality that are so alluring and addictive, the focused attention, the boost of self-esteem, the pleasurable wooing, the understanding (real or illusory), but subtract the sex itself
    • The law of charm: make your target the center of attention
    • To be a charmer, you have to learn to listen and observe
      • Let your targets talk, revealing themselves in the process
      • As you learn more about them, strengths and especially weaknesses, you can individualize your attention, appealing to their specific desires and needs
        • Tailoring your flatteries to their insecurities
    • By adapting to their spirit and empathizing with their woes, you can make them feel bigger and better, validating their sense of worth
    • Make them the star of the show and they will become addicted to you and grow dependent on you
    • Be a source of pleasure
      • Nobody wants to hear about your problems and troubles
      • Listen to your targets complaints, but more important, distract them from their problems, giving them pleasure.
    • Being lighthearted and fun is always more charming than being serious and critical
    • An energetic presence is likewise more charming than lethargy
    • Qualities that help create the illusion of charisma:
      • Purpose. If people believe you have a plan, that you know where you’re going, they will follow you instinctively
        • Single-minded self-assurance will make you the focus of attention. People will believe in you through the simple force of your character
      • Mystery. Mystery lies at charismas heart, but a particular kind. A mystery expressed by contradiction
        • Show your mysteriousness gradually and word will spread
        • You must also keep people at arm’s length to keep them from figuring you out. Another aspect is the hint of the uncanny
      • Saintliness. Saints do not compromise to survive. They must live out their ideals without caring about the consequences
        • The key is that you must already have some deeply held values. That part cannot be faked
        • The next step is to show simply but subtly that you live what you believe
        • The appearance of being mild and unassuming can turn into charisma
      • Eloquence. A charismatic relies on the power of words. Words are the quickest way to create emotional disturbance
      • Vulnerability. Charismatics display a need for love and affection
      • They are open to their audience and in fact, feed off their energy
        • Nothing is more seductive to people than the feeling of being desired
      • Adventurousness. Charismatics are unconventional. They have an air of adventure and risk that attracts
        • Be adventurous and courageous in your actions, and be seen taking risks for the good of others
  • The Star
    • Of all the character types, the star is perhaps the most powerful of all
    • We cannot have stars so, therefore, we obsess over them
    • Introjection is when they become part of our ego
    • You must have a style or presence that makes you stand out from everyone else
      • Be vague and dreamlike, and yet not distant or absent
        • You don’t want people to not be able to focus on or remember you
    • Cultivate a blank mysterious face, the center that radiates starness
      • This allows people to read into you whatever they want to
    • Stars seduce by making us identify with them, giving us a vicarious thrill
      • The key is to represent a type

Part 2: The Seductive Process

  • Seduction is a process that occurs over time
    • The longer you take and the slower you go, the deeper you will penetrate into the mind of your victim
    • It is an art that requires patience, focus, and strategic thinking
  • Mystery is the lifeblood of seduction
    • To maintain it, you have to constantly surprise your victims.
      • Stir things up, even shock them
  • 1. Choose the right victim
    • Everything depends on the target if your seduction
    • Study your prey thoroughly and choose only those who will prove susceptible to your charms
    • The right victims are those for whom you can fill a void
      • Whom see in you something exotic
    • They’re often isolated or at least somewhat unhappy, perhaps because of recent adverse circumstances or can easily be made so
      • For the completely contented person is almost impossible to seduce
    • How do you recognize your victims? By the way they respond to you
      • Don’t pay so much attention to their conscious responses
    • Good seducers choose targets that inspire them, but they know how and when to restrain themselves
  • 2. Create a false sense of security. Approach indirectly
    • Indirectly get them to approach you first so they won’t resent you or think they are under your control
    • Establish a neutral distance
      • Seem harmless and you’ll give yourself room to move
    • Disguising one’s intentions was not only a necessity, it added to the pleasure of the game
      • A man should never declare his feelings, particularly early on
        • It is irritating and provokes mistrust
        • A woman is much better persuaded by what she guesses than by what she is told
    • Learn to disguise your feelings and let people figure out what is happening for themselves
      • In all arenas of life, you should never give the impression that you are angling for something
        • That will raise a resistance you will never lower
  • 3. Send mixed signals
    • Engage people’s imaginations, making them think there is more to you than what they see
      • This must be done early on before your targets know too much and their impressions of you are set
    • Give them an ambiguity that lets them see what they want to see
      • Capture their imagination with little voyeuristic glances into your dark soul
  • 4. Appear to be an object of desire. Create triangles
    • Desirability is a social illusion. Its source is less what you say or do, but the sense that other people desire you
    • Make people compete for your attention
      • Make them see you as sought after by everyone else
      • The aura of desirability will envelop you
      • The sense that a rival is more desirable than we are is unbearable
    • If there is a woman you are interested in, pay attention to her sister (or close friend)
      • That will stir a triangular desire
    • Don’t let your targets see you so often
      • Keep your distance. Seem unattainable, out of their reach
        • An object is rare and hard to obtain is generally more prized
  • 5. Create a need. Stir anxiety and discontent
    • Tension and disharmony must be instilled in your targets minds
      • Stir within them feelings of discontent and unhappiness with their circumstances and with themselves
        • Their life lacks adventure
    • Pain and anxiety are the proper precursors to desire
      • Learn to manufacture the need that you can fill
    • You must never mistake a person’s appearance for the reality
      • People are always susceptible to being seduced because everyone lacks a sense of completeness, feels something missing deep inside
      • Bring their downs and anxieties to the surface and they can be led and lured to follow you
    • People prefer to feel that if their life is uninteresting, it’s not because of themselves but because of their circumstances
      • Once you make them feel the allure of the exotic, seduction is easy
    • Another devilishly seductive area to aim at is the victim’s past
  • 6. Master the art of insinuation
    • You cannot pass through life without in one way or another trying to persuade people of something
    • Consider the power of insinuation and suggestion
      • Disguised in a remark or encounter, a hint is dropped
        • It is about some emotional issue, a possible pleasure not yet attained, a lack of excitement in a person’s life
      • The hint registers in the back of the target’s mind, and so will stab at his or her insecurities
        • Later when it takes root and grows, it seems to have emerged naturally from the target’s own mind as if it was there all along
      • Insinuation lets you bypass people’s natural resistance for they seem to be listening only to what is originated in themselves
    • The key to succeeding with your insinuations to make them when your targets are at their most relaxed or distracted so that they are not aware of what is happening
  • 7. Enter their spirit
    • The way to lure people out of their natural intractability and self-obsession is to enter their spirit
    • The way to entice people to come out of their shell is to become more like them, a kind of mirror image of them
      • Simply conform to their moods, adapt to their tastes, play along with whatever they send your way
      • In doing so, you will lower their natural defensiveness
    • What people love most of all is to see their ideas and tastes reflected in another person
      • This validates them. Their habitual insecurity vanishes
  • 8. Create temptation
    • People don’t want temptation
    • What they want is to give in to temptation, to yield
      • That is the only way to get rid of the tension in their lives
      • It costs much more to resist temptation than to surrender
      • Your task is to create a temptation that is stronger than the daily variety
        • It has to be focused on them, aimed at them as individuals, at their weakness

Phase 2: Lead astray, creating pleasure and confusion

  • 9. Keep them in suspense: what comes next
    • The moment people feel they know what to expect from you, your spell on them is broken
    • The source of an elemental human pleasure: being led by a person who knows where they’re going and who takes us on a journey
  • 10. Use the demonic power of words to sew confusion
    • The key is to see words not as a tool for communicating true thoughts and feelings, but for confusing, delighting, and intoxicating
      • The difference between normal language and seductive language is like the difference between noise and music
      • This is language designed to move people, and lower their resistance
        • It is language designed for them, not directed at them
      • Flattery is seductive language in its purest form
        • Its purpose is not to express a truth or a real feeling, but only to create an effect on the recipient
        • Learn to aim your flattery directly at a person’s insecurities
        • Flattery can be kind of “verbal foreplay”
      • Tailor your sweet words to your target’s particular problems and fantasies
        • Promise something realizable and possible, but not too specific
          • You are inviting them to dream
      • The most anti-seductive form of language is argument
        • Humor and a light touch is a superior way to get people to listen and be persuaded
        • It is more persuasive to appeal to people’s hearts than their heads
  • 11. Pay attention to detail
    • The details of a seduction, the subtle gestures, the offhand things you do, are often more charming and revealing
    • In seduction, you are always trying to bring the target back to the golden moments of childhood
      • A child is less rational, more easily deceived, and more attuned to the pleasure of the senses
    • The more you get people to focus on the little things, the less they will notice your larger direction
    • A gift has immense seductive power
      • But the object itself is less important than the gesture and the subtle thought or emotion that it communicates
    • What is most seductive in the long run is not what you say, but what you do not say, what you communicate indirectly
    • Never tell someone what you are feeling
      • Let them guess it in your looks and gestures. That is the more convincing language
  • 12. Poeticize your presence
    • Do everything you can to keep the target thinking about you, unexpected meetings, gifts, etc. all of these give you an omnipresence
      • Everything must remind them of you
    • If your target should see you as elevated and poetic, there is much to be gained by making them feel elevated and poeticized in their turn
      • By idealizing your targets his way, you will make them idealize you in return since you must be equally great to be able to appreciate and see all of their fine qualities
        • They will also grow addicted to the elevated feeling you give them
  • 13. Disarm through strategic weakness and vulnerability
    • There is something seductive about sadness
      • We want to comfort the other person, and that desire quickly turns into love
    • Attacking your mean-spirited opponents can make you seem ugly as well
      • Instead, soak up their blows and play the victim
  • 14. Confuse desire and reality
  • 15. Isolate the victim
    • Get them to spend time in your environment, deliberately disturb their habits, get them to do things they’ve never done
    • Disguise this in the form of a pleasurable experience and your targets will wake up one day distance from everything that normally comforts them
      • Then they will turn to you for help

Phase 3: The Precipice. Deepening the effect through extreme measures

  • 16. Prove yourself
  • 17. Affect a regression
    • People who have experienced a certain kind of pleasure in the past will try to repeat it or relive it
    • Freud called this phenomenon transference, where his patient would regress and fall in love with him
      • Transference is a powerful way to create an emotional attachment
      • To practice it in real life, you need to play the therapist, encouraging people to talk about their childhood
    • Remember to include an erotic component in your parental behavior
      • Now your targets are not only getting their mother or father all to themselves, now they’re getting something more
        • Something previously forbidden but now allowed
  • 18. Stir up the transgressive and taboo
    • The moment people feel something is prohibited, a part of them will want it
    • Without obstacles and a feeling of transgression, love feels weak and flavorless
  • 19. Use spiritual lures
    • Religion is the most seductive system that mankind has created
  • 20. Mix pleasure with pain
    • Being too nice can literally push the target away from you
    • Erotic feeling depends on the creation of tension
      • Without tension, anxiety, and suspense, there can be no feeling of release, of true pleasure and joy
      • It is your task to create that tension in the target, to stimulate the feelings of anxiety, and lead them to and fro so that the culmination of the seduction has real weight and intensity
    • You have the ability to create pain and then magically dissolve it
      • People will be less upset by your hurtful actions than you might imagine
      • In the world today, we often feel starved for experience
        • We crave emotion, even if it is negative
        • The pain you cause your targets is bracing, it makes them feel more alive
    • Falling in love is losing control. A mix of fear and excitement
      • Never let your targets get too comfortable with you
      • They need to feel fear and anxiety
        • Show them some coldness or a flash of anger they didn’t expect

Phase 4: moving in for the kill

  • 21. Give them space to fall. The pursuer is pursued
    • Showing interest in another person is a form of stepping back
    • We learn to love only through rejection
      • As babies, we learned to respond to coldness from our mother with love and affection
  • 22. Use physical lures
  • 23. Master the art of the bold move
    • Humility may have its social usage but it is deadly in seduction
    • Boldness is bracing, erotic, and absolutely necessary to bring the seduction to its conclusion
  • 24. Beware the aftereffects
    • Maintain some mystery or be taken for granted
    • Maintain lightness
      • Seduction is a game, not a matter of life and death

Themes/Main ideas:

  1. Seduction is a game of psychology, not beauty
  2. Seducers see themselves as providers of pleasure
  3. Understand the 9 Seducer Types:
    • Sirens, Rakes, Ideal Lovers, Dandies, Naturals, Coquettes, Charmers, Charismatics, Stars
  4. Danger and fear are key elements to seduction
  5. Confidenceself-assurance, and adventurousness are attractive
  6. What is most seductive is what is repressed within us
  7. Play the victim; sympathy and sadness are very seductive. When we want to comfort the other person, that desire quickly turns into love.
  8. Nothing is more seductive to people than the feeling of being desired
  9. Mystery is the lifeblood of seduction. Never tell people what you’re feeling, let them guess and use their imagination
  10. Desirability is a social illusion. Its source is less what you say or do, but the sense that other people desire you
  11. Erotic feeling depends on the creation of tension and disharmony
    • Without tension, anxiety, and suspense, there can be no feeling of release, of true pleasure and joy
  12. The source of an elemental human pleasure is being led by a person who knows where they’re going and who takes us on a journey
  13. Seductive language is not a tool for communicating true thoughts and feelings, but for confusing, delighting, and intoxicating
  14. Learn to aim your flattery directly at a person’s insecurities
  15. Make your target feel elevated and poeticized if they see you that way. They will also grow addicted to the elevated feeling you give them
  16. Use Transference to create an emotional attachment and make your target regress and fall in love
  17. We crave emotion, even if it is negative
  18. Falling in love is losing control. A mix of fear and excitement

Closing thoughts:

I think this is a great book to discuss the psychology of desire, attraction, and seduction. The underlying principles and mindsets are very insightful into the mind of how and why we are seduced by different types of people.

As I mentioned going into this book, I was definitely wary of the morally questionable ideas presented in this book. A great example is how the person who you will be seducing is referred to as the “target” or “victim” of your seduction. Obviously, this objectification will put the seducer in the wrong frame of mind to establish a long-term relationship with someone built on trust and respect.

This concept of high-level pickup artists losing respect for their target gender is discussed near the end of Neil’s book The Game. I think the ideas in this book are great to learn from and understand, just as everyone should learn about the principles of sales and psychology, mostly as a defense mechanism. These principles and strategies will be used against you in your life, and it is always better to be armed with knowledge or at least informed.

The one thing I wish this book had more of is practical and tactical advice. While I understand that this isn’t a “pickup guidebook” per se, I think I would have liked at least a bit so that the book could have a better application to the reader. While are are steps in the latter half of the book, they’re more general and not as applicable in my opinion.

Nutshell:

The principles, concepts, character types, and stages of seduction.

Rating:

3/5

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