Book notes: Atomic Attraction by Christopher Canwell

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Atomic Attraction: The Psychology of Attraction by Christopher Canwell

Synopsis:

“’20 percent of men get 80 percent of women.’ (Source: Medium | Data Science)

If you want to be a man that 80 percent of women desire, this book is your key. Based on over 120 scientific studies, this book is the ultimate guide to creating and maintaining attraction with women.

Attraction doesn’t grow in a warm, safe environment, it grows in a swamp of discomfort and anxiety. This is just one of many truths you’re about to discover.

In Atomic Attraction Christopher Canwell takes us on a journey through the dark waters of attraction. What turns women on? What makes them choose one man over another? And how can you become truly desirable and attractive?

This book answers these questions by combining the latest scientific research with real-life case studies to show you, the listener, how to ignite the fires of attraction and captivate those around you.

Everything you need to know about creating, building, and maintaining attraction with women can be found within this audiobook.” -Audible

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Opening thoughts:

I enjoyed reading the book No More Mr. Nice Guy a couple months back so I figured I should pick up another dating/attraction/relationships book because I enjoy learning all about this topic. This field of study is one of the most intriguing to me personally.

Key notes:

Part One

Chapter 1: Become Attractive

Women aren’t looking for aesthetics, but rather indicators of strength and a rugged visage
- Looks are important since humans are superficial beings. However, the same features women look for aren’t the same as the features men look for
The cognitive aspect of attraction is more important to women than it is to men
- Women also tend to focus more on a man’s behavior, personality, and attitude as a measure of attraction as opposed to his physical attributes
Attraction for women comes down to one crucial point: can you provide her with strong, healthy children?

Reader’s note: Now the author is going into how the media is brainwashing men in today’s society to be weak and subservient to women and to reject masculinity. This reminds me of some parts discussed in No More Mr. Nice Guy. Also, the author just mentioned “dominant, left-wing media” and “politically correct feminist society.” Uh oh…red flags.

Assertiveness should never be confused with aggression
- Being cool, calm, and composed is much more attractive
- True attraction is built on confidence

Chapter 2: Build A Strong Body

Having a good physique and trained body signals to people that you care about yourself, and that you have physical and mental discipline
- A strong body is a reflection of a strong mind
How you present yourself to the world reveals a lot about your character
- It may seem superficial, but human beings are programmed to pick up on physical cues

Chapter 3: Choose the Right Hairstyle

Reader’s note: The author is now talking about how short hair is more masculine and long hair is more feminine. His advice is to “err on the side of caution” and always make aesthetic choices that reflect more masculinity

When you’re losing your hair, you have three options:
1. Take drugs but sacrifice testosterone
2. Have an expensive hair transplant
3. Take matters into your own hands and shave it off

Chapter 4: To Shave or Not to Shave

Facial hair is attractive because it signals strength, dominance, and masculinity

Chapter 5: Is Penis Size Important?

A study on penises showed that a majority of penis sizes are relatively the same size plus or minus only one or two centimeters. Plus, women usually rate average size penises as the most attractive

Chapter 6: Age and Attraction

Studies show men generally get more attractive as they get older, particularly between the ages 25-40
- They are measured by experience, confidence, skill, appearance, and status
- Women are likelier to be attractive to older men
If you are young at heart and take care of your health, you’re likelier to date younger women, and also high-status women
- More feminine women tend to date older men because this relationship dynamic feels more natural to their feminine soul

Chapter 7: A Seductive Voice

Deeper voices are attractive

Chapter 8: Smells That Seduce

Increased testosterone also produces pheromones that smell attractive to women

Chapter 9: Clothes that Captivate

Wearing high-status clothes is a way to become instantly more attractive to women
- Some studies show that a well-dressed man is sexier than a man with a lot of money
You can never go wrong with fitted clothes and a good shirt
- Also don’t peacock as it can seem desperate
- Subtle elegance and style work best
The color red stands out and tends to be more attractive to women

Chapter 10: Money and Status

It’s the prestige element of status, not the money element, that women find the most attractive

Chapter 11: Your Sexual Market Value

Women are also attracted to men who show unrealized potential

Chapter 12: Good Guys Versus Bad Guys

Alpha is a trait that is mostly developed over time through conscious effort and awareness
The strongest course of action in any situation are ones that make you feel good about yourself
- If you choose the strongest course of action in all areas of life, eventually you will develop an alpha mindset
Alpha males are confident because they don’t seek validation from other people
- The first step to transitioning from beta to alpha is to strengthen the body, which strengthens the mind
You must never be afraid to go after what you want, even if it means ruffling a few feathers along the way
Being prestigious is more attractive to women than being dominant

Part Two

Chapter 13: Create Attraction

The availability and chances of meeting and dating women are also heavily dependent upon your location and environment
The only thing that prevents you from meeting and dating women who would potentially want a relationship with you is simply access
- Location is key

Chapter 14: Approaching women

Boldness inspires attraction
- Make your intentions clear
- A great approach is one of the most important elements of seduction
In the world of seduction, there is no greater aphrodisiac than confidence
- Studies show that women prefer when men approach them with a simple hi or hello
When you approach, talk to her as if she were a close friend
- No need to rush or seem disingenuous

Reader’s note: Now I feel like the author is very off-base with the points he is discussing right now. He’s saying that it’s mostly unattractive women who lash out against men and push for a feminist movement. He thinks that only attractive women typically have positive experiences with men and enjoy men’s company. I feel like this author is a strict, right-wing conservative and probably watches Fox News religiously because of the rhetoric he’s spreading.

Missed opportunity hurts more than rejection

Chapter 15: Read Her Body

Female communication is usually more covert than overt

Chapter 16: Attractive Body Language

Studies show that people who maintain eye contact comfortably during communication are rated as more attractive and confident

Chapter 17: Eyes and Smiles

Women aren’t necessarily attracted to guys who smile because it can signal someone being a nice guy
- Someone who has a more brooding expression sees like he’s more able to protect a woman and not be a pushover
One characteristic of an alpha male is that his thoughts and actions are in perfect alignment

Chapter 18: Online Dating

The goal of online dating is to get offline as fast as possible
In online dating, you are first and foremost judged on your appearance, so it is necessary to take steps to improve this with great photos

Chapter 19: Use Social Media for Your Advantage

Doubt and uncertainty are key factors when building attraction
The idea of mate-choice copying is that when you are seen with attractive people, that makes you more attractive
When it comes to creating attraction, everything you post on social media should be geared towards building value and status

Chapter 20: Texting and Calling

You should never display too much interest in a woman too soon to preserve your value and create an aura of mystery
Uncertainty increases the level of attraction for a man
- Attraction grows in space, not in close proximity

Chapter 21: Setting Dates

Have patience and don’t be desperate
- Similar to fishing, you need to give a woman some slack and don’t try to set a date and reel in too soon before she’s ready

Chapter 22: When She Flakes and Cancels Dates

The first time she flakes, give a short response of “no problem” and maybe reference a mutual topic of interest
- If she flakes more than twice, you must walk away from her and never contact her again unless she reaches out first
- This lets her know that you aren’t going to chase her because you don’t care if you see her or not

Chapter 23: Going No-Contact

Research has come to the conclusion that men are rated as much more attractive and desirable when there is a degree of uncertainty and anxiety in the relationship

Chapter 24: Stop Apologizing

Part Three

Chapter 25: Build Attraction

You must find a balance between pursuing and giving space when trying to build attraction
- As soon as you sense a change in the woman and she’s more responsive, it’s time to let her pursue you

Chapter 26: Never Rush the Seduction Process

Chapter 27: Never Invest Too Much Too Soon

When you invest 100% of your own emotions into a woman, you are inadvertently laying the foundation for your own demise
- The overinvested man is too willing to open himself up and give his heart away
A woman finds a man more attractive when she has to fight for his love and attention
- In order to do this, you need to make your love a scarce resource that is hard to acquire
- Avoid investing too much of your emotions too soon into a woman
Emotional investment into a relationship should be a slow, gradual process

Chapter 28: Maintain Mystery

Being too available and responsive kills attraction
- Keep the calls and messages to a minimum
- This doesn’t mean acting cold and distant, just be aware of the dangers of over-communication
The compulsive need to reveal too much information about yourself and your feelings must be repressed
- How can a woman find you mysterious when she knows exactly what you’re thinking on a day-to-day basis
- Wearing your heart on your sleeve and expressing your inner-most feelings spoils intrigue and crushes desire
  - Less is more
You should never allow a woman full access to your mind
Self-disclosure and attraction rarely go hand-in-hand

Chapter 29: Exploit Her Weakness for Words

The way you communicate with women should always be light and relaxed
- Serious is anti-seductive
Men need to engage a woman’s emotions and be able to speak on a range of topics in an engaging way
- Small and rare moments of candor and vulnerability help build trust and lower their defenses
Allow a woman to open up and talk about herself
Let the woman know what you like about her
- Uncertainty is more attractive than certainty

Chapter 30: The Magic of Touch

Touch is extremely powerful and influential
- Touch expresses your intentions and desires in a way words cannot
- If you ask someone to do something for you and touch them at the same time, they’re more likely to comply with your request
Touch when combined with eye contact signals confidence and boldness
Never seek a woman’s touch

Chapter 31: Get Her to Chase You

An attractive man is a man with options
- Never chase commitment
- Low-availability men are seen as more attractive and women are more likely to spend more money on them

Chapter 32: The Power of Sex

Men need to approach sex with passion and lead
- Bed death happens when there’s too much passivity
Sexual dominance is about letting your partner know what you want and having the courage to let them submit to you
- Physical and verbal dominance is also very attractive

Chapter 33: Never Give Your Love Too Easily

Don’t chase a woman into love and commitment
- She’ll let you know when she’s ready
Scarcity and playing hard to get are attractive

Chapter 34: Lead Her Into Attraction

Leading doesn’t have to be complicated. It only has to be done with confidence and a clear sense of purpose
- Leading is doing what you want and letting her come with you
  - Leading doesn’t mean aggressive
  - In fact, more playful, humorous, and fun to be around are more attractive and alluring
    - They are seen as more grounded, stable, and resilient when facing life’s setbacks

Part Four

Chapter 35: Maintain Attraction

Chapter 36: Stay Light and Relaxed

Mindfulness is the ability to focus on the present without worrying about the past or the future
Playfulness is one of the most attractive qualities a man can have
- Women enjoy being with a man who can make them laugh
- Humor is a marker of intelligence

Chapter 37: Don’t Talk About the Relationship

Being too responsive and putting relationships at the forefront of your life, you risk killing attraction
- Never seek love to get love

Chapter 38: Give Her What She Needs

Don’t give a woman what she says she wants, but rather what she needs

Chapter 39: Don’t Play It Safe

Attraction grows in a swamp of anxiety, fear, jealousy, anger, and sadness
- All these negative emotions we try to avoid in daily life are the ones you must embrace if you’re trying to build attraction with women
  - Polarize her emotions
- Studies show women are attracted to men who inspire feelings of anxiety and uncertainty
Human beings are driven by hope and the knowledge that it’s possible to get what we want, even if the odds are stacked against us

Chapter 40: Anxiety Fuels Attraction

These days it’s often more beneficial for a man to bring a sense of anxiety and uncertainty into a relationship with a woman as opposed to bringing a sense of security and certainty
- This isn’t a concern of what’s ethical or moral, just what the data says and what women respond to
- What women respond to and which actions get results
When she feels safe and secure, she’s more likely to pull away, start drama, or get bored and lose interest
Your love is lowered in value if it is easily acquired and given out

Chapter 41: Your Lover Is Not Your Mother

Women by design have hypergamous natures
- This means that they are hardwired to meet with men they view as superior to themselves
- This concept also states that if a woman senses weakness in a man, she’ll look to another man to fill the void
Your partner’s love won’t be unconditional so don’t assume she’s like your mother and don’t treat her like one
- Don’t take her for granted

Chapter 42: Never Follow A Woman’s Lead

Attraction grows in space

Chapter 43: Buying Gifts for Women

The most attractive character trait for a man is his ability to acquire resources, not the resources itself

Reader’s note: I don’t agree with this book in how it portrays women as being fickle beings who try to test men all the time by being uncaring and aloof. And if a man shows any emotional sensitivity, then she drops him. I highly doubt this is the case with all or even most women. I’m against proposing generalizations like these, which paint an entire gender as malicious. The best partners regardless of gender should care about the little things with their partner.

Only a weak and insecure man feels the need to buy a woman gifts in a desperate attempt to win her approval
You should buy a woman a gift when she most deserves it and least expects it

Chapter 44: Attraction Grows in Space

Book reference: Mating In Captivity by Esther Perel
Introducing space is healthy and necessary for a relationship, especially early on
The moment you become predictable either in thoughts or deed is the moment you become boring, tiresome, unexciting, and unattractive
- An attractive man doesn’t make his romantic partner his primary concern
Some studies show that in long-term relationships, sleeping in separate beds can help add space and build attraction again

Chapter 45: Never Use Logic to Fight Emotion

Chapter 46: Mirror Her Emotions

“Sex relieves tension. Love causes it”
Woody Allen

The most important thing a woman wants to know is this: are you strong enough to handle her emotions or not?

Chapter 47: Women Always Test

Women subconsciously test men to see whether or not they are weak or strong
- This has been programmed into them through evolution from the desire to reproduce with strong men
A woman’s jealousy test should always be handled with indifference or humor

Chapter 48: Induce Scarcity to Increase Your Value

The concept of loss aversion shows that people are more likely to avoid loss than they are to seek gains
People who are less available are seen as more attractive to others and their peers

Chapter 49: Stay Out of the Friend Zone

A study showed that less than 10% of couples started out as friends
- This means that the odds of trying to befriend a girl first and eventually turn her into a romantic partner are very slim
There’s nothing more unattractive than a man who is too afraid to express himself and seduce a woman

Chapter 50: She Must Invest in You

If you invest in someone, you’re more likely to value that person
- Investments can be in time, money, emotional, and physical
- Sunk cost fallacy: the more you invest in someone or something, the harder it becomes to walk away even if that investment turns out to be a bad decision
If your goal is to ensnare women, you must be selfish and ruthless
- You must be willing to take more than you give
Women will only value that which they work for
- If your love is easy to acquire, she’ll find it that much harder to respect you and appreciate you

Chapter 51: Dealing with Conflict

Neutralize negative energy
- When accusations are leveled against you, your best defense is to agree and amplify

Chapter 52: Handling Jealousy

A key difference between men and women is that women are more likely to be jealous when their partner falls in love with another woman, and men are more likely to be jealous if their partner has sex with another man
Trying to eliminate jealousy is futile
- It’s better to figure out how to handle it the right way
Your job is to project strength and confidence
- Use indifference to handle jealousy, as well as humor to show you’re unaffected

Chapter 53: Restore Dying Attraction

You must make a woman feel a spike of emotion to keep attraction alive
- You must introduce dread and uncertainty into the relationship to rebuild value and restore interest

Reader’s note: This section is talking about how to make a girl insecure. It’s pretty terrible advice in that it tells the guy to do things like talk to other girls, tell her you miss being single, text and call women around her, go on dates with other women, and telling her you’ll sleep with other women

Activities like roller coasters and exercise elevates adrenaline and make someone more likely to experience feelings of attraction for another person
- States of fear and anxiety trigger sexual desire

The X Factor

The X Factor is attitude
- It doesn’t mean being an asshole, it means bringing an edge to your character and eradicating your desire to please or be nice
- Narcissisitc men have a more edgy charm that makes them more desirable for one night stands and short-term relationships
Women are more attractive to men who wear flashy, stylish clothes, have humorous verbal expressions, and display open, confident body language
Women want men who have a sense of purpose and ambition

Closing thoughts:

While I think this is a very insightful book for men who want to expand their knowledge in the fields of attraction and dating, I think 30-40% of the information should be taken with a grain of salt.

Some of the perspectives and opinions in this book can come off as misogynistic and toxic, generalizing women as well as “weak” vs “strong” men. It gives opinions on what is “masculine” when it’s clear that what may be attractive to one person may not be attractive to another.

While I think the idea of “err on the side of strength, confidence, and masculinity” seems to be solid advice, people need to evaluate what they feel like is masculine in their culture, context, and social group. The nuance in these factors greatly depends on your environment.

Overall, I think it’s a decent book to add to one’s reading list if they want to expand their knowledge in these subjects. However, I wouldn’t put this book near the top of my list as one of the better ones. It’s a good reference point to see what other schools of thought are out there, but it would be dangerous to implement all these opinions and ideas blindly.

One Takeaway / Putting into practice:

There are a few good takeaways from this book, but the one I think gives and 80/20 return is:

The strongest course of action in any situation are ones that make you feel good about yourself. If you choose this in all areas of life, you’ll eventually develop an alpha mindset

This doesn’t just apply explicitly to dating, which is why I chose it. I think this is a great concept to internalize and put into practice to overall improve the quality of your life and results.

If you train yourself not to shy away from the difficult things, you’re inherently building mental strength and reinforcing your self-esteem. This will generally always lead to better results, which includes your dating life and relationships.

Nutshell:

An encompassing guide for men on building and maintaining attraction with women.

Similar books:

Rating:

2.5/5

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