Book notes: The Mystery Method by Mystery

The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed by Mystery A.K.A. Erik Von Markovik, Lovedrop A.K.A. Chris Odom

Synopsis:

“One of the most admired men in the world of seduction” ( The New York Times) teaches average guys how to approach, attract, and begin intimate relationships with beautiful women.

For every man who always wondered why some guys have all the luck, Mystery, considered by many to be the world’s greatest pickup artist, finally reveals his secrets for finding and forming relationships with some of the world’s most beautiful women. Mystery gained mainstream attention for his role in Neil Strauss’ New York Times best-selling expose The Game. Now he has written the definitive handbook on the art of the pickup.

He developed his unique method over years of observing social dynamics and interacting with women in clubs to learn how to overcome the guard shield that many women use to deflect come-ons from ‘average frustrated chumps'” -Audible

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Opening thoughts:

Funny enough, this was the very first book I read in my “personal development” journey. My cousin recommended this book to me in high school because her guy friend told her about it and said I should read it. This was the first time I read a nonfiction book outside of school that was aimed at self-development. Needless to say, 10 years later and I’m still hooked on learning and constantly growing haha.

Also of note, this book fundamentally shifted how I saw dating, attraction, social dynamics, and psychology. Even though it’s a pickup book, it was super fascinating to me at the time. I’m curious to revisit this book while I’m in a different point and maturity in my life.

 

Key notes:

Chapter 1: The Mystery Behind Casanova

• Attraction comes before seduction but isn’t an end in itself
  • Next is building comfort
  • Courtship is the process of building attraction and comfort
• You need to build arousal at the end of the comfort building stage
  • Then begin a sexual relationship by seducing her
• Beautiful girls are seldom alone, so he had to get good at opening a group
• Using this method, you should be able to seduce any woman within 4-10 hours, with the average occurring within 7
  • The 7-hour rule: these seven hours aren’t necessarily continuous
• Usually taking courtship to seduction requires venue changes, which have to be accommodated through what are called time bridges
• In order for you to be permitted the audience of a beautiful woman to attempt to attract her, you must first disqualify yourself from being considered a potential suitor by her
  • If you don’t, she will assume by your approach that you’re after her
  • And then she’ll know you perceive her as having high value
    • If her value is high, then it’s higher than yours
• The attraction circuits of women are calibrated find a man attractive not measured primarily by handsomeness or physique, but rather by social value
  • It’s not as much about looks as it is about conveying that you are the tribal leader

Chapter 2: The Ultimate Purpose of Life

• While the primary purpose of life is to survive, the secondary purpose is to reproduce
• Because of your limited time alive, you must acknowledge the need to accelerate the learning curve through disciplined focus
• The Venusian Arts, the art of love, are the arts of picking up a woman you had not previously met and successfully be getting an intimate relationship with her
  • This is a discipline that aids in replication
• Dynamic social homeostasis – All social animals including people live under Constant pressure from two competing interests:
  1. Protecting themselves from others
  2. Aligning themselves with others
• We are evolved biologically to live in small groups of hunters and gatherers, many of us occupied cities with millions of people
  • We have been able to do this because of the development of culture, tools, language, etc
• We are hardwired to seek alignment with high-value people
• Approach anxiety comes from the fear of rejection, which is a pain can last days or weeks or months
• Spiraling occurs when you let one of the three areas in your life become neglected and affect the other areas
  • The three areas are:
    • health
    • wealth
    • love
  • You must maintain or improve all three vital areas of your life while keeping them in balance

Chapter 3: Rewiring Her Attraction Circuitry

• Don’t try to convince her, argue with her, more engaged her in any other way on a purely logical level
  • Logic should never be used as a motivator in the field
    • This is because what a woman thinks she likes or says she likes is not necessarily what she responds to in reality
• Stimulate her emotions
  • The Venusian artist uses emotional stimulation instead of rational discourse
    • Your romantic interest will invent her own reasons for what is happening if it feels right
  • Instead of only trying to give good emotions and avoiding bad ones, stimulate her with a range of feelings including:
    • curiosity
    • fascinations
    • connection
    • indignation
    • validation
    • laughter
    • embarrassment
    • happiness
    • sadness
    • fear of value loss
  • The more she is stimulated, the more compelling the experience will be for her
• Peacocking is when someone wears attention-getting clothes
  • This prompts others to interact with him or her
  • You demonstrate higher value when people perceive that you are accustomed to the social pressure of wearing nonconformist clothes and otherwise not affected by it
  • Successful peacocking is when your look is congruent with your personality in the social situations
• A woman’s reputation directly influences her social status
  • That’s why women are easier to get into bed when they’re on vacation
• Women need plausible deniability
  • She won’t really do anything during pick up that will make her feel responsible for what happens between you
• Act with Moxie
  • Moxie means inventor of courage
  • The Venusian artist must always be leading the interaction, he has no choice
  • Women seldom take responsibility for is happening
• A woman’s number one emotional priority is safety and security
  • Above all, she wants a man who makes her feel safe and protected
•  If a woman views you as a contender, she will give you congruence tests subconsciously
• The more invested a woman is with you, the more time you spend, money spent, effort exerted to get your attention or validation, the more she’s emotionally and physically engaged with you, the more likely you will begin a sexual relationship with her
  • It takes an average of 4 to 10 hours to develop enough familiarity for sex
  • The more effort she put in, the more invested she has become
• Once her safety has been secured, she’s attracted to fun and stimulation
  • Be a fun and playful person
    • This is preferable to appearing tough or too deep
• Be slightly unpredictable
  • Familiarity breeds contempt
  • Embrace your passions and be involved in activities
• Your objective isn’t to have sex with her, it is to allow her to fall in love with you
• The 6 to 10 rating system is used by people to decide how to respond to others based on their perceived social ranking
  • Seeking to build rapport will work for 6’s and 7’s, but acting cocky and confident will work better with 9’s and 10’s
• Cat Theory: keep the bait just barely out of her reach and then continually entice her in small increments
• 9 times out of 10, when she says she has a boyfriend, it means you telegraphed too much interest
  • It has nothing to do with whether she actually has one
  • In fact, if she is attracted to you, she will often deliberately hide the boyfriend from you until after you had sex with her
  • When she mentions having a boyfriend, don’t ask about him and don’t appear phased
    • He may not even exist
    • Take it as an instance of a lack of interest caused by you telegraphing too much interest far to soon
• Don’t act as if things are a big deal
  • Just repeat the words “no problem” in your head over and over until you really believe it
  • No matter what happens, it’s no big deal

Chapter 4: Rules and Structure of the Game

• Social intuition finely tuned from time spent in the field is known as calibration
  • A skilled Venusian Artist will anticipate and have a prepared response for nearly any common social challenge
  • He will have encountered this challenge before and have experimented with a variety of different responses
  • When the challenge arises, the answer automatically comes forth and delivered into action by his unconscious mind
    • In the same way that all practiced behaviors become automatic, this process is known as internalization
  • Women usually have more calibration and social skill than men do, especially attractive women, simply because they’ve been involved in more approaches
• The mystery method focuses on three stages of the courtship phase:
  • Beginning: pickup
  • Middle: mid-game
  • Ending: endgame
• The primary focus of the mystery method is not seduction but rather attraction
  • If a woman considers a man to be sexually attractive to other women, she may instantly feel an attraction towards him
    • Some ways to flip this pre-selections which is to wear women’s perfume or have a lipstick kiss on your cheek
  • Only after you attract can seduction take place
    • However, it is also crucial to build comfort
  • You must go to the sequence in order and complete all the steps without getting stuck
• Most attractive women have protective shields as a defense mechanism against so many guys approaching them
  • Three player traps:
    1. Failure to justify a mutual attraction
    2. Disregard of comfort
    3. Buyers remorse
• A woman’s IOIs or Indicators of Interest notify when to go from the attraction stage to comfort building stage
  • But you must not do so until she legitimately urns your IOIs as well
  • Example IOIs:
    • asking for your name
    • touching you
    • touching you again when you say “hands off the merchandise”
    • grabbing her hands and holding them
      • her holding back
    • laughing at all of your humorous remarks
    • when you ask her to bite your neck and she does
  • You must encourage her to demonstrate qualities that substantiate your attraction
• It takes an average of 4 to 10 hours of cumulative comfort building before a woman he’s ready for seduction
• If you don’t get an IOIs in 25 minutes into your interaction, you have blown your first impression
  • If you are 20 hours in and she feels uncomfortable with any physical escalation, she already knows you don’t have the values she wants
• There are three separate locations types you and your romantic interest will likely visit or jump to:
  1. Meeting location
  2. Comfort building location
  3. Sex location
• There are three types of location changes or jumps:
  • The move = walking around the venue
  • The bounce = changing venues
  • Time bridge = meeting up at a later time

Chapter 5: A1 – Open

• Practices and internalize the three-second rule where you must open your target or group within three seconds of spotting them
  • It is important not to be too selective of your sets early in the night
  • Better to be in any set than to end up alone when you could have been working the room
  • You don’t always need a legitimate target to enjoy interacting with people
• An opener is a short story or statement used to get a groups attention and earn their acceptance of your presence
  • Use indirect openers so that you don’t convey IOIs
• As a general rule, don’t buy her a drink
  • The goal is to have your games so tight that she offers to buy you one
• Be willing to crash and burn for every sat the entire night
  • Do it for fun with your wing
  • Game: give your wing $200 at the beginning of the night and he’ll give you back $20 for each set you approach
• Approaching tips:
  • Be comfortable and friendly
  • Enthusiasm is contagious
  • Smile as you walk around the venue
    • Guys who don’t have success with women don’t smile
• Befriend the social guys and practice gaming them
  • One of the attraction switches in women is the “leader of men” switch
    • When you lead the men, the women will follow
• Be the observed
  • Be a part of the activities going on
  • Are you an observer or the observed?
• The protection shield
  • Women use many strategies to protect themselves from men with a little perceived S&R value (survival and reproduction)
• A pawn is a girl you gamed in a previous set with the express purpose of bringing her into the next set so that it will open more easily
  • Other ways to get through the shield include uninterested body language and false time constraints
• The key is to never be shaken or affected by her shield
  • Always stay in a good mood and have a good time
  • Never take it personally
• If a particular value demonstrating routine has been internalized and is ready for use in a set, then that routine is said to be “in the can”
  • A Venusian artist who can deliver canned material properly will be able to generate consistent powerful responses while he is in set
• It is also important to practice spontaneous natural conversation
  • After all, that’s where the best canned material comes from
  • The delivery of the canned material is often more important than the content
• It is best to come into a set with the slightly higher energy level than the people in it
• She should always feel like you are about to leave in A1
  • One way to create this impression is through false time constraints
    • Examples:
      • “You know what if I didn’t have to go right now which I do I would…“
      • “I can only stay a sec, I’m here at friends, so check this out…“
      • “I’ve only got a minute so I’ve got to tell you about…“
• Once she is hooked, use another false time constraint
  • Because now that they want you to stay, a second FTC will create a fear of loss and make them chase you to stay
• Body rocking is the use of physical movement to create the impression you are just about to leave the set
  • It is a nonverbal false time constraint
  • The person who moves the least or reacts the least will often be perceived as the one with more social status
    • If you’re not moving for calculated reasons such as performing party rocking, then it is better to stay in one spot with a comfortable body posture
• To open a moving set, walk slightly in front and turn your head back while you use your opener
  • Then continue walking forward with your head forward and continue gaming
  • Slow down your pace and watch them match yours
• How to open a seated set:
  1. Open the set as usual
  2. Use a fast time constraint part of the way into the opener
  3. Continue the opener as you grab a chair and sit down with the sand
     • It is important to be talking at the same time while you sit down
  4. Stack to your next routine then stand again as if to leave
  5. Sit again as you FTC and stack
• Openers should be run with a body posture away from the set as if you’re about to leave but seeking rapport
• A person leaning back will appear to hold more power than one leaning in
  • Leaning in conveys the target is more important to you than you are to them
• Speaking tips:
  • speak with a deep powerful voice
  • be emotionally expressive with your voice
  • speak slowly and clearly (eliminate filler words)
  • speak with plenty of pausing and rhythm
  • speak loudly when applicable to come across as more alpha
• When what you say and how you say it don’t match up in a natural manner, you have what Venusian artists call incongruence
• Like a comedian, a pickup artist is also a performing artist
  • His task is to captivate a small group of people long enough to convey specific personality characteristics that will ultimately make him interesting to the one woman in the group whom he has his eye on
• Every new routine that you learn must go through a naturalization phase that may take a good two dozen tries until the script comes out congruently
• High-value people don’t scan the venue looking for a higher value spot to be in
  • A good pickup artist believes that the most fun and valuable spot in the field is his own
  • Women are looking for a man whose reality is more fun and valuable than their own
  • You must be congruent with the value that you have to offer and it must be apparent to the room revealed through distinct demonstrations of high social value

Chapter 6: A2 – Female to Male Interest.

Demonstrating value, indicators of interest, and group theory

• IODs = indicators of disinterest
• To get IOIs, practice A1
  • Be indirect and non-needy
• Practice A2
  • Stagger negs with DHV (demonstrations of high-value)
• Neg: a statement or action made to briefly and without insult disqualify oneself from being perceived as a potential suitor
• A neg is not an insult, but a negative social value judgment that is telegraphed
  • Generally, the better looking the woman, the more aggressive your negs will need to be
    • A 10 may get 3 negs up front in quick succession just for being beautiful
• The shotgun neg is a good social tool
  • It keeps her friends from thinking you have a sexual motive which keeps them from protecting her from you
  • The power is in its apparent sincerity
    • She’ll honestly believe you’re not trying to impress her and then wonder why
• Teasing negs reveal that you are confident, unaffected, and in control
  • Teasing stimulates her emotions and is useful as a DHV during A2
    • It’s directed to the group as a whole or the target directly
• A sniper neg is used directly on the target and she is the only one to hear it
  • The idea is to make her honestly believe that she has performed a demonstration of lower value (DLV)
  • The throw and go technique for a neg shows you’re not trying to get a reaction and conveys it was genuine
• Group theory: women of quality tend to be found in groups and rarely if ever alone
  • Basic group theory operates on a combination of two DHVs:
    1. The social proof that is generated by taking over the group. Personality traits also demonstrated to the group
    2. The ability of the neg not only to convey higher value but also simultaneously disarm the obstacles, remove the targets sexual power, and motivate her to chase you
• Be able to talk. Always have something to talk about
  • Get into a talkative mood and practice talking to everyone
  • Introduce several different routines and jump back and forth between them in a multiple threading fashion instead of linearly
• The line “so how do you all know each other?” must be asked in every set at some point
  • The moment you ask is the waypoint and typically happens 3-5 minutes in
• Winging Rules:
  1. He who opens the set leads the set and gets the first choice of the target
  2. Make your primary purpose as the wing to help the pickup artist get his target
  3. Don’t jack or steal the target
  4. If the player cannot advance the set in any way, the wing may then attempt to recover the set for himself
     • Decide before going on field
  5. As a wing, occupy the obstacles so that the player has more 1 on 1 time with the target
  6. Always agree with your wing, never take the girl’s side over his
  7. Remember your wing is a great guy and a cool guy
     • That’s why you hang out with him. After all, you have high standards
  8. Keep in mind your wing’s feelings are important to you, more than the girl
     • If he approaches the set, turn towards him
     • Disrespecting your wing lowers your value to the girls
• Have your wing use compliment introductions
  • It’s a powerful dynamic when you and your wing can run stories about each other
• A pivot is a female friend whom you bring into the field to build social proof, open sets, create jealousy, and distract obstacles
  • In return for your services, you show her a good time and help her meet guys
• Practice merging: be that social guy who introduces people to others
  • 2 types of merging:
    • forward
    • backward
• Have an opener memorized as well as a neg and false time constraint
  • Have one routine ready to go before freestyling your set
  • Practice your delivery which includes:
    • body language
    • body rocking
    • voice tonality
    • comfortable attitude
    • a comfortable frame
• DHV = anything you do that conveys higher survival and replication value
  • Stories should convey positive traits and personality and lead the listener through a fun series of interesting thoughts or emotional waypoints
  • It just needs to be engaging and enjoyable
    • Shorter is better

Chapter 7: A3 – Male to Female Interest

• The frame is the underlying meaning
  • It’s the context in everything you say
  • The frame supplies meaning to the content
• A woman may try and get you to jump through a hoop
  • The AFC (average frustrated chump) will fall for it and jump through
• Bait the target into innocuous little hoops
  • Over time as she falls into your frame, those hoops can become larger and more frequent
  • In social dynamics, this process is called compliance momentum
• Role reversal. One of the best frames to use (and should be your reality) is that you are higher value and she is chasing you
  • Role reversal line examples:
    • Don’t think you’re gonna get something bc you’re buying me this drink
    • Wow, are you always this forward?
    • I don’t wanna rush things
    • Hey hands off the merchandise, this isn’t free you know
    • I’ll be the judge of that
    • You just want me for my body
    • Yeah if you’re lucky
    • I’m not ready to be in a relationship right now
    • I swear all you girls do is think about one thing
    • Omg, are you groping me?
    • You’re a really nice girl
    • That guy over there looks perfect for you
    • I don’t even know you
    • Let’s just be friends
  • Create the illusion that you are the prize. Soon, you will be
    • What are some things about you that would make me want to get to know you better?
    • If a magician could make you anything you want to be, what would it be (can’t say princess)?
    • Who are you?
    • What are your 3 best qualities?
    • The most spontaneous thing you’ve done?
    • Are you a good cook?
    • Good back rubs? Adventurous?
    • Passionate?
    • Some people say they’re open-minded and adventurous, but they’re all talk
  • Be very subtle about screening her without making her feel like it
• Kino escalation
  • Kino = kinesthetic, refers to sense of touch
    • In this case, physical touch
  • Guys with game create a natural flow of kino that leads all the way to sex
  • Periodically, a window of opportunity will arise to escalate
    • If you miss the window, you will have demonstrated lower value
  • Forms of kino:
    • arm in arm
    • hands touching
    • embracing (from behind)
    • kissing
    • hand on knee
    • sitting on lap
    • arm around waist
    • Smelling hair
    • Nonstandard touching
  • Touching, guys and girls, is one way alpha males like you demonstrate their dominance
• One step forward, two steps back
  • If you sent any hesitation, metaphorically take two steps back with escalation
  • It is the man’s job to both escalate and resist
• Use IOIs, IODs, and other push-pull, hot-cold dynamics to create tension, build comfort, and demonstrate value
  • Kino pinging is an expression of growing attraction between two people
    • Ex: pushing a girls shoulder and she pushes back
      • It’s an indicator as well as a generator of attraction
• Compliance testing – request your target to do something for you
  • If she complies, it is an IOI ping and also creates attraction
  • Second, you have escalated and she is more comfortable with your touch
  • Third, her frame has been further influenced and absorbed by your own
    • Reward her with an IOI but intermittently
  • The more value you have, the more she’ll permit you to escalate your compliance testing
• Compliance momentum – someone who complies will continue to comply
  • The compliance threshold is the point of the interaction where she realizes that she has more fun if she complies
    • Once this happens, you have established control of the frame
• Compliment from a screening frame, not a begging frame
  • Compliment her style, her poise, her energy, or something unique about her outfit she chose
    • Learn to notice things
  • Try giving a compliment and follow with a screening question
    • Or you can follow with constructive criticism
    • A powerful way to neg and DHV
      • DON’T MENTION HER LOOKS
  • Try complimenting her in a way that directs her to behave in a way you want her to and to play the role that’s useful to you
• Bait, hook, reel, release – Make the woman demonstrate higher value to you
  • Bait her into telling you interesting things about herself

Chapter 8: Conversation

• Three types of comfort building locations:
  • C1 = any location within the meeting location
  • C2 = any location separate from meeting and sex locations
  • C3 = any location within the sex location
• Be talkative. The talkative person just gets laid way more often
  • The secret is to put yourself in a talkative mood
  • Talking is a logistical tool
    • Another benefit is that it occupies the conscious mind
• Commonality. People tend to be more attractive to those do they considered to be similar to them in some way
  • The more you have in common with each other, the more she will rationalize that this was meant to be
• When people share vulnerabilities, it demonstrates and creates an emotional connection
  • This is a powerful comfort builder when done at the right time
• The secret is to embrace your vulnerability and still be unaffected by it
• When you punished bad behavior with an IOD, make sure to follow it up with an easy hoop and reward afterward
• People are willing to work harder to preserve an existing investment than they are to make a new one
  • Make your targets jealous as a regular part of your C1 and C2 game through the use of pivots and pawns
  • Demonstrations are always more effective than verbal insinuations
• When asked what you do, ground your reality with theirs by telling a story of your progression from childhood or youth years to where you are today
  • Telling your backstory and progression to where you are today is called grounding
• How to answer the question: Who am I?
  • One answer: you are what you repeatedly do
    • Figure out who you are by what you do repeatedly
      • Something you can say in a word or two
  • Use questions like “what were you like as a teenager?”
• The game is played in comfort
  • It’s necessary to develop a wide conversational rapport

Chapter 9: Mid-game and Endgame

• Kissing and kino are comfort builders, not seduction
• A good rule of thumb is to not bother kissing until you have 3 IOIs
  • Just going for the kiss without indicating your intentions can sometimes lead to embarrassment
• Going from one comfort location to another is called jumping
  • Bounce is to move your people to another venue that same night
  • Time bridge is making plans to see her at another time
• The number is never the point
  • It’s always for the time bridge and to lead to the close/aka sex
• Girls tend to be flakey creatures
  • Not only you, but friends, family, and themselves
  • Just keep calling and put them in rotation
• The emotional resistance that occurs right before sex is called last-minute resistance
  • What is your job to ease her through this uncomfortable emotion should it arise
• If your game is tight, last minute resistance will be greatly reduced as an issue
  • Therefore, examine your basic game
• If last-minute resistance seems insurmountable, do a freeze out
  • Don’t look affected. Just act as if you’re arousal circuits have been shut off 

Themes / Main Ideas:

1. The attraction circuits of women are calibrated find a man attractive not measured primarily by handsomeness or physique, but rather by social value
2. We are hardwired to seek alignment with high-value people
3. The Venusian artist uses emotional stimulation instead of rational discourse
4. The Venusian artist must always be leading the interaction
5. A woman’s number one emotional priority is safety and security
6. Be a fun and playful person. Women are attracted to fun and stimulation
7. No matter what happens, it’s no big deal
8. A good pickup artist believes that the most fun and valuable spot in the field is his own
9. Group theory: women of quality tend to be found in groups and rarely if ever alone
10. Be talkative. Always have something to talk about. Get into a talkative mood and practice talking to everyone
11. Role reversal – one of the best frames to use (and should be your reality) is that you are higher value and she is chasing you
12. Use IOIs, IODs, and other push-pull, hot-cold dynamics to create tension, build comfort, and demonstrate value
13. Guys with game create a natural flow of kino
14. Commonality – people tend to be more attractive to those do they considered to be similar to them in some way
15. When people share vulnerabilities, it demonstrates and creates an emotional connection. The secret is to embrace your vulnerability and still be unaffected by it
16. People are willing to work harder to preserve an existing investment than they are to make a new one
17. The game is played in comfort. It’s necessary to develop a wide conversational rapport

Closing thoughts:

It’s very interesting taking a look at this book from the perspective of my almost 10-year older self. It’s interesting to see how many principles of psychology, sales, influence, attraction, and rapport building are built into this framework. All of these principles are common threads and the same ideas I’ve learned from countless other books I’ve read over the years on these subjects. It’s just very interesting to see these concepts applied to the real world subject of pickup and attraction/seduction.

Thankfully, many of these concepts are very familiar to me and I remember learning about them when I first read this book (so I’m glad i retained a lot of it). At the same time, as I’ve mentioned, these concepts also intersect with many other fields like sales and influence so I’ve been reinforcing them for the past how many years now.

As expected, however, this book takes a very shallow and objectifying approach to dating and pickup. While the concepts are tactically sound and time-tested in the field by Mystery and many other “Venusian artists” you can tell that these concepts are rooted in deep insecurities and a need to pick up women as a form of validation rather than to find a life-partner.

It’s my strong belief that using short-sided techniques will produce short-sided results. Following low-quality principles, no matter how “effective” the tactics may be, will only lead you to find low-quality women.

This is easily demonstrated through the stories told in The Game and The Truth. Essentially, the author comes to the conclusion that the road of pickup ultimately leads to a dead end when searching for true happiness and fulfillment.

So while I believe the fundamental strategies in this book are great to learn about in terms of growing your knowledge on how social dynamics and attraction work, I don’t advise following them if your true intent is to find a life partner and actually find happiness. The last book I read The Dating Playbook and the current book I’m reading Models explain a better way to approach dating with a long-term perspective.

Nutshell:

Understanding the concepts of attraction in women and leveraging techniques to demonstrate and alter one’s perceived social value.

Rating:

4/5

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