Book notes: Kick Ass with Mel Robbins

Kick Ass with Mel Robbins: Life-Changing Advice by Mel Robbins

Synopsis:

“Want more out of life? You’re not alone. And best-selling author Mel Robbins is here to help with no-bullshit life and business advice that you won’t get anywhere else. Listen to private coaching sessions between the celebrated motivational speaker and people like you – people who want better relationships, to be healthier and more productive, to get unstuck from the destructive habits holding them back, and to take action on their dreams. As brilliant and inspiring as she is entertaining, Mel Robbins will empower you to live the kick-ass life that’s been waiting for you.” -Audible

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Opening thoughts:

I picked this one up because I’ve read this author’s other book The 5 Second Rule and it was fantastic. Also, this was being advertised on Audible as an audio audible only product. The reviews seemed great so why not?

The other reason why picked this book up is that the summary he said it contained live, life coaching sessions. Since I eventually want to become a coach, I figured this would be a good audio to pick up and learn from.

Key notes:

Session #1:

• She doesn’t believe that people figure out what brings them joy because they have an epiphany
  • People figure out what brings them joy because they force themselves to follow their curiosity, to try, to learn
•  Takeaways:
  1. Quitting. We all have ways of quitting when things get hard or when we just don’t feel motivated to push ourselves
     • Identifying negative patterns as a form of quitting is a powerful step that’s going to help you stop these patterns
  2. Addiction. Addictions are just forms of habit dysfunctions
     • What makes it hard is that there is so much emotion tied up in the things that we do that are destructive
     • All habits have a trigger and a behavior pattern that you repeat
     • “If-Then Planning Strategy”: Make a plan for what you will be doing for every one of these triggers instead of the addiction
  3. Childhood strategies. We’ve all develop strategies when we were kids in order to deal with the situations that were upsetting or abusive

Session #2: Marcus, former NFL player

• Become yourself and fully own it
  • For the rest of your life, be on the hunt for where you are trying to be someone you’re not. Be on the hunt for where insecurity is taking you out of your lane
  • Takeaways:
    1.  Be on the hunt for wherever you are not owning your unique story
       • Your real power is in telling your story
       • Your credentials may help when you’re starting out, but over time your power is never in your credentials
         • It’s in you: your story, your instincts, and the unique things you bring to the table
    2. The power of time travel
       • Travel forward two years, envision where you want to be, and then list out all of the thinking and behavior patterns that you’ve changed
       • Bring that all back to the present day and start shifting your thinking and behavior now to align with the patterns from the future you
    3. Ask yourself: what in my life came easy or energized me?
       • That’s where you start if you don’t know what direction to head in

Session #3: Jessie, who struggles to lose weight

• Takeaways:
  1. The secret to improving your relationship with anybody:
     • Take the focus off of you and put it on everyone else
       • How? Start cheering for people
  2. If you have a problem that you have been trying to fix forever and you’re not making any progress like Jessie and her weight loss, maybe you don’t have any interest in fixing it at all
     • Maybe it’s not a problem and you’re really just using it as an excuse to not take responsibility
  3. To make change simple and fun, one tool is naming the old chapter that you’re stuck in versus the new chapter that you want to step into

Session #4: Evelyn, trouble with procrastination

• Takeaways:
  1. Procrastination has nothing to do with your ability to get things done, it’s just a form of stress relief
     • You have to understand that stress is the problem and you have to get to the root
  2. The power of focusing on what happened rather than on what’s wrong with you

Session #5: Steven, paralyzed by what other people think

• When you live fully open in your truth, if people react negatively, it’s their bullshit (responsibility/ fault)
• Takeaways:
  1.  Ask yourself: are there patterns that you learned from the adults in your childhood that you’re still repeating that doesn’t work for you?
     • Seeing the destructive behavior as a pattern is the first step to owning it and ultimately ending it
  2. A tool you can use to destroy the pattern, “shut up Sharon”
     • Exaggerate and make the negative things you say to yourself into a character
     • When you turn old behaviors into a caricature, you actually remove your emotion and drama and heaviness around it, and it makes the behavior more objective
       • It’ll help you not only identify the old behaviors but to also move into the new behaviors more quickly
  3. Manipulation. If you live your life in a way where you avoid upsetting people at all costs so you keep quiet, that’s a form of manipulation
     • If you hate confrontation so you don’t tell the truth about how you’re feeling, that’s a form of manipulation
     • When you manipulate people, you are responsible when they get upset if they find out the truth
     • But if you have the courage to say what you’re feeling or to tell them what’s true for you, when they get upset or they react negatively, it’s on them
• Having the courage and the clarity to just be yourself, that’s what it means to be truly fabulous

Session #6: Kyle, bent on finding love, growing his business, and making a difference in people’s lives

• Takeaways:
  1.  If you were somebody that’s trying hard but you feel like you’re just not making any headway, she guarantees there something you cannot see or are refusing to see
     • We need to slow down and tune in to the emotions that are in there. In order to see the problem, you’re going to have to slow down
  2. Any single, destructive habit that you have, it is also a mask for pain
  3. Embrace and be proud of where you are at right now
     • The moment you take responsibility for your past, that’s really important
     • But it is also essential that you take pride in how far you’ve come
       • You’ll gain freedom and control back in your life the second you start feeling proud of where you are

Session #7: Terra, looking for love for 40 years

• Takeaways:
  1. All relationships are the same, friendships, work relationships, with your family, your lover
     • We’re all the same because we all want the same thing
     • We all want to know that we matter
       • When you make people feel like they matter, you will win in any relationship
     • In the area of your life where you are being your best self, in those relationships, that’s what we’re going to use to help you change how you’re behaving in the cruddy relationship
       • All you have to do is adopt that best-self character everywhere
         • You need to intentionally take a moment and switch gears into the best-self person you want to be in that relationship
  2. Assume good intent. When the people in your life piss you off and you feel frustrated, before you snap, assume good intent
  3. Power versus connection. This is the only thing that you ever need to know about relationships
     • You’re either craving power or you’re craving connection at any moment.
     • The only relationships that are truly satisfying that go the distance are ones where both crave connection

Session #8: Ashlyn, struggling with self-acceptance and self-love

• Takeaways:
  1. You can love someone and still be angry at them
     • You can be afraid of disappointing somebody and still make requests of them
  2. Be honest about where in your life you feel numb because that’s where the roots are
  3. Ask yourself: where is your kid or any child in your life completely checked out. Where are you missing potential signs?
  4. The idea of celebration
     • Celebration is critical for a healthy life
  5. Transparency. You won’t be able to kick ass until you own your story
     • When you own your story, that’s where all the power lies
     • It’s only when you’re transparent about your past that you have the power to own and change the future

Closing thoughts:

I really enjoyed this book way more than I was initially expecting! I was surprisingly delighted at how valuable the sessions were and how many great lessons I took from them.

It definitely took some time to get used to the interview and coaching format. The first few interviewees were a bit obnoxious in my opinion. Some may say they had “large” personalities, but it sometimes seemed like they were being overly showy, like contestants on a game show or reality show.

However, the deeper into this audio show I got, the deeper the lessons and subjects. I think they did a very good job picking a variety of people from all different walks of life. Most importantly, their struggles were extremely relatable to a wide variety of people.

Overall, I highly recommend these audio coaching sessions. A bit “showy” sometimes for my taste, but the nuggets of wisdom from Mel are fantastic.

Nutshell:

Mel Robbins distills key lessons and tools people can use to overcome deep-rooted problems in their life.

Rating:

4.5/5

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