Book notes: The Light We Carry by Michelle Obama

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The Light We Carry: Overcoming in Uncertain Times by Michelle Obama

Synopsis:

“#1 NEW YORK TIMES AND USA TODAY BESTSELLER • ONE OF TIME’S 100 MUST-READ BOOKS OF 2022 • In an inspiring follow-up to her critically acclaimed, #1 bestselling memoir Becoming, former First Lady Michelle Obama shares practical wisdom and powerful strategies for staying hopeful and balanced in today’s highly uncertain world.

There may be no tidy solutions or pithy answers to life’s big challenges, but Michelle Obama believes that we can all locate and lean on a set of tools to help us better navigate change and remain steady within flux. In The Light We Carry, she opens a frank and honest dialogue with listeners, considering the questions many of us wrestle with: How do we build enduring and honest relationships? How can we discover strength and community inside our differences? What tools do we use to address feelings of self-doubt or helplessness? What do we do when it all starts to feel like too much?

Michelle Obama offers listeners a series of fresh stories and insightful reflections on change, challenge, and power, including her belief that when we light up for others, we can illuminate the richness and potential of the world around us, discovering deeper truths and new pathways for progress. Drawing from her experiences as a mother, daughter, spouse, friend, and First Lady, she shares the habits and principles she has developed to successfully adapt to change and overcome various obstacles—the earned wisdom that helps her continue to “become.” She details her most valuable practices, like “starting kind,” “going high,” and assembling a “kitchen table” of trusted friends and mentors. With trademark humor, candor, and compassion, she also explores issues connected to race, gender, and visibility, encouraging listeners to work through fear, find strength in community, and live with boldness.

“When we are able to recognize our own light, we become empowered to use it,” writes Michelle Obama. A rewarding blend of powerful stories and profound advice that will ignite conversation, The Light We Carry inspires listeners to examine their own lives, identify their sources of gladness, and connect meaningfully in a turbulent world.” -Audible

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Opening thoughts:

I really enjoyed Michelle Obama’s first book Becoming, so I was pretty excited to listen to this book when it came out. I’m not sure exactly what to expect, but I imagine that it’ll be a good follow-up to the first. I also expect it to provide the sound wisdom she’s learned throughout her years as a parent, career woman, and First Lady of the United States.

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Key notes:

Part One

Chapter 1: The Power of Small

• When you’re overwhelmed by the big things, find something small you can complete and give yourself over to
  • Allow yourself the gift of absorption
• Break down large goals into their component parts to reduce overwhelm

Chapter 2: Decoding Fear

• Great people who seem fearless are just able to confront and be comfortable with fear
• When we avoid what’s new or different, and let those impulses in us go unchallenged, we’re more likely to seek out and privilege the aspects of sameness in our lives
  • Our hurts become our fears. Our fears become our limits
  • Competence is what sits on the flip side of fear
  • If you try to keep your children from feeling fear, you’re essentially keeping them from feeling competence too
• Not taking risks takes away your opportunities to transform

Chapter 3: Starting Kind

• Kids are naturally on the lookout for gladness
• In her role, meeting the kids and lighting up for them and that action being reciprocated was one of the most nourishing parts
• Real growth begins with how gladly you’re able to see yourself 

Chapter 4: Am I Seen?

“No one can make you feel bad if you feel good about yourself” 

• It’s hard to dream about what’s not visible. You can’t readily strive towards what you don’t see

Part Two

Chapter 5: My Kitchen Table

• Discomfort is a teacher. Lack of reward is a teacher
  • Dealing with these things gives us practice at life, helping us figure out who we are when we’re a little pushed
• Real-world connections often tend to cut against stereotypes
• The best way to be a friend to someone is to revel in their uniqueness
  • To appreciate each person for what they bring, receiving them simply as themselves
• Strong friendships are often the result of strong intentions
  • Your “table” needs to be deliberately built, populated, and tended to
  • There is both richness and safety to be found in other people if you’re willing to extend your curiosity that way and keep yourself open to it
  • Your friends become your ecosystem

Chapter 6: Partnering Well

• She tells her daughters to focus on becoming whole people, able to stand on their own before signing up for a life with another person
  • When you know your own light, you are then better prepared to share it with another person
• If and when her kids do choose someone to be with for life, she wants them to do it from a place of strength and truly knowing who they are and what they need 
• In a strong partnership, both people will take their turns at compromise, building that shared sense of home together
• A partner is not a fix for your issues or a filler of your needs
  • People are who they are
• We only hurt ourselves when we hide our realness away

Chapter 7: Meet My Mom

• It’s important to always presume the best about children
  • It is preferable to let them live up to your expectations and high regard rather than live down to your doubts and worries
  • You should grant kids your trust rather than make them earn it
    • This is a version of starting kind

1. Teach your kids to wake themselves up
2. It isn’t about you. Good parents are always working to put themselves out of business
   • Her mom let them make their own mistakes. None of their achievements were tied to her own self-worth or ego. Her mood and happiness was not dictated by their successes
     • When good things happened, she was happy for them, and when bad things happened she helped them process it before turning to her own life and challenges
   • The important thing was she loved them regardless if they succeeded or failed
     • She lit up with gladness anytime they walked through the door
   • Her dad pushed them to be thoughtful with their wants. Teaching them to rely on themselves and think clearly about what they needed
3. Know what’s truly precious
4. Parent the child you’ve got
5. Come home, we’ll always like you here

Part Three

Chapter 8: The Whole of Us

• In keeping our vulnerabilities private, we never get the chance to know who else is out there. Who else might understand or even be helped by whatever it is we’re holding back
• Reference: Mindy Kaling was a double minority writer for The Office and eventually created huge successes for herself by owning up to the opportunities she was given
• Sharing our stories widens the circle of belonging for many

Chapter 9: The Armor We Wear

• Adaptability and preparedness are paradoxically linked. Both are parts of your armor
• If you wanna break barriers and knock down walls, you’ll need to find and protect your own boundaries. Watching over your time, energy, health, and spirit as you go

Chapter 10: Going High

• “We go high” was a convenient shorthand her family used to remind themselves to hang onto their integrity when they saw others losing theirs
  • It was a way to describe a choice they were trying to make to always try harder and think more. A simplification of their ideals
  • “Going high” is something you do rather than merely feel. It’s not a call to be complacent and wait around for change or sit on the sidelines as others struggle
    • It’s not about accepting the conditions of oppression or letting cruelty go unchallenged
• It’s about how we go about fighting and tackling these challenges. And how we sustain ourselves long enough to be effective rather than burn out
• “Going high” is what happens when you take a reaction and mature it into a response
  • Emotions are not plans. They don’t solve problems or right any wrongs
    • You can feel them but be careful about letting them guide you 

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Closing thoughts:

I really enjoyed this book and appreciated the solid insights from Michelle. I think it was really a great follow-up to her first book as I was expected from my initial thoughts before reading it.

What I enjoy about Michelle’s writing is that, similar to Barack’s, is that it is simultaneously thoughtful and eloquent, while also being simple and easily understood. Moreover, it comes from a place of compassion, or rather kindness as she says. She employs a lot of empathy when she details her thoughts, and tries to put her ideas into perspective that she feels would best help the reader understand.

Overall, her work is not only inspiring, but it is very actionable. It is great for any reader who is looking to emulate some of her success by adopting some of the values she portrays in this book.

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One Takeaway / Putting into practice:

The one takeaway I really liked and have already shared and tried to implement in my own life is this:

• Kids are always on the lookout for gladness. It’s important to light up with gladness when they walk into a room

Even though she’s specifically talking about her interactions with children, I wanted to apply this concept to people I care about in my life. I know people who are really good at lighting up with gladness for others, and I aspire to be like that by developing this skill. It might not come naturally to me, but I think it’s a worthwhile endeavor to get better at expressing how glad I am to see and be around people I care about.

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Nutshell:

Former First Lady Michelle Obama shares practical wisdom and powerful strategies for staying hopeful, building relationships, and maintaining balance in today’s highly uncertain world.

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Similar books:

• The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama
• Dreams from My Father by Barack Obama
• Becoming by Michelle Obama
• Shortest Way Home by Pete Buttigieg
• This Is What America Looks Like by Ilhan Omar
• A Promised Land by Barack Obama
• The Truths We Hold by Kamala Harris

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Rating:

4/5

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