Book notes: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

Synopsis:

“In The Four Agreements, don Miguel Ruiz reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering. Based on ancient Toltec wisdom, The Four Agreements offer a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives to a new experience of freedom, true happiness, and love.

Opening thoughts:

This book came recommended from another friend who is also into personal development books. I had never heard of this book and when I looked it up, I was surprised by how many reviews it had, and the high average rating! I’ve been putting it off since it is a short listen, but this month is a perfect month to finally listen.

Key notes:

• Everything is made of light, and everything that exists is one being
  • Light is the messenger of life because it is alive and contains all information
• The man discovered that everything in existence is a manifestation of the one living being we call God
  • Everything is God
  • He came to the conclusion that human perception is merely light perceiving light
  • Matter is a mirror that reflects light and creates images of that light
• Language is the code for understanding communication between humans
• Every letter, every word in each language is an agreement
  • Once we understand the code, our attention is hooked and energy is transferred from one person to another 
• To have faith is believe unconditionally
• Growing up, we are conditioned to please others so we start acting
  • We pretend to be what we are not because we are afraid of being rejected
  • This comes from the fear of not being good enough
• Eventually, we become something we are not
• We become a copy of the beliefs of those around us, our family, society, and religion
• There’s a part of us that judges everything around us based on our belief system
  • There’s another part of us that’s the victim and believes were not good enough, and the judge in us agrees
  • This is based on a belief system we never chose to believe
• Even if our internal “book of law” is wrong, it makes us feel safe
  • Anything that challenges what you believe is going to make you feel unsafe
  • That is why we need a great deal of courage to challenge our own beliefs
  • Even if we know we didn’t choose these beliefs, we know we agreed to them

Reader’s note: This idea of courage being necessary to challenge our beliefs goes into the idea of why it takes courage to truly LISTEN to someone who has different beliefs

• The way religions depict hell is the same as this world
• It is a place of punishment, fear, pain, and suffering
• All of humanity is on an eternal search for truth, justice, and beauty because these don’t exist in our belief system
  • We keep searching when everything is already within us
• We can’t see the truth because we are blind from all those false beliefs we have in our mind
• Our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive and express who we really are
• Just being ourselves is the biggest fear of humans
• Nobody abuses us more than we abuse ourselves
  • The limit of your self-abuse is exactly the limit you will tolerate from someone else
• Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves
  • It is why we don’t accept ourselves the way we are and why we don’t accept others the way they are
• The most important agreements are the ones you make with yourself
• The agreements that come from fear require us to expend a lot of energy
• The agreements that come from love help us to conserve energy and even gain extra energy

The First Agreement: Be impeccable with your word

• This is the most important and most difficult to honor
• Our words cast powerful spells on each other
• The word can enter our mind and change a whole belief for better or worse
• A sin is anything you do that goes against yourself
• Sin comes from rejection of yourself
  • Rejection of yourself is the biggest sin you can commit
• Gossip is black magic at its very worst because it is pure poison
• You can measure the impeccability your word by your level of self-love
• How much you love yourself and how you feel about yourself are directly proportionate to the quality and integrity of your word

The Second Agreement: Don’t take anything personally

• Personal importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about me
• Nothing other people do is because of you, it is because of themselves
  • All people live in their own dream, their own mind. They’re in a completely different world than the one we live in
  • When we take something personally, we make the assumption they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world
• You are never responsible for the actions of others. You are only responsible for you
• When you truly understand this and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others

The Third Agreement: Don’t make assumptions

• All the sadness and drama you have lived in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally
• When we believe something, we assume we are right about it to the point that we will destroy relationships in order to defend our position
  • We make the assumption that everyone sees life the way we do
  • We assume others think the way we think, feel the way we feel
• Real love is accepting people the way they are without trying to change them
  • Find someone whom you don’t have to change at all
• It’s much easier to find someone who is already the way you want him or her to be instead of trying to change that person

The Fourth Agreement: Always do your best

• Keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next
  • Sometimes your best will be high-quality, and other times it won’t be as good
• If you take action just for the sake of doing it without expecting a reward, you’ll find that you enjoy every action you do
  • Rewards will come but you’re not attached to the reward
• You always do your best because you’ll have no regrets if someone tries to judge you
• Do your best because you want to do it, not because you have to do it or to please other people
• Action is about living fully. Inaction is the way that we deny life
• When you don’t do your best, you deny your right to be you 
• The first three agreements will only work if you do your best

• Children are usually the only humans truly free because they’re smiling, having fun, exploring the world, not afraid to play
  • They don’t worry about the past and don’t care about the future, and only live in the present moment
  • Very young children are not afraid to express what they feel
  • They’re so loving that if they perceive love, they melt into love
    • They are not afraid to love at all
  • The is the description of a normal human being
• There is no need to blame your parents for teaching you to be like them
  • What else could they teach you but what they know. They did the best they could
  • If they abused you it was due to their own domestication, their own fears, and beliefs
    • They had no control over the programming they received so they couldn’t have behaved any differently
• The real you is still a little child who never grew up
  • Sometimes that little child comes out when you’re having fun or playing
  • When you feel happy, doing something you enjoy, or expressing yourself in some way
  • The happiest moments of your life are when the real you comes out and you don’t care about the past and you don’t worry about the future
• Awareness is always the first step because if you’re not aware, there’s nothing you can change
• We cannot change an agreement with less power than we used to make the agreement
• Almost all of our personal power is invested in keeping the agreements we have with ourselves
  • That’s because our agreements are actually like a strong addiction
    • We are addicted to being the way we are
• To adopt the four agreements, you need to put repetition in action
  • Practicing the new agreements in your life is how your best becomes better
  • Repetition makes the master
• Forgiveness is the only way to heal
  • Forgiveness is the key to self-acceptance and self-love
• The Warrior has control over one’s own emotions and one’s self
• The angel of death can teach us to live every day as if it’s our last, as if there may be no tomorrow
• Imagine you have the ability to see the world with different eyes whenever you choose
• Suffering makes you feel safe because you know it so well
  • But there is really no reason to suffer
• The only reason you suffer is because you choose to suffer
• Happiness is a choice, and so is suffering

Themes / Main ideas:

• We pretend to be what we are not because we are afraid of being rejected
  
• Just being ourselves is the biggest fear of humans
• The Four Agreements
  1. Be impeccable with your word
  2. Don’t take anything personally
  3. Don’t make assumptions
  4. Always do your best
• You can measure the impeccability your word by your level of self-love
• Nothing other people do is because of you, it is because of themselves
• All the sadness and drama you have lived in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally
• Real love is accepting people the way they are without trying to change them
• You always do your best because you’ll have no regrets if someone tries to judge you
• Children are usually the only humans truly free because they’re smiling, having fun, exploring the world, not afraid to play
• Don’t blame your parents for teaching you to be like them because their actions were the result of their programming
• Forgiveness is the only way to heal and the key to self-acceptance and self-love
• Happiness is a choice, and so is suffering

Closing thoughts:

Another fantastic book. I think this is a great book for anyone because I think most if not all people struggle with self-love and self-acceptance and living your true self. 

This book has a lot of similar themes and concepts as three other works I highly recommend:

• The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
• You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero
• Kick Ass with Mel Robbins

Again, a very good book and a solid framework for anyone who wants to live a happier and healthier life. The four agreements address the best way to live in relation to others and yourself.

Nutshell:

Four principles of how to live to be happier and have more love in your life.

Rating:

4/5

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